It was a luminous Wednesday (February 04,2009) afternoon for me. I’m with my friends. Doing the same staff over and over again. Hilarity of humor. An afternoon full of fun and joy. A moment of companionship with them.

But all of those laughters fade..

I received a text message from my neighbor. My father was rushed in the hospital and I need to go back home hurriedly. Though tears are flowing from my eyes, I don’t sense any nerves. This is my father’s 3rd heart attacked. So I just supposed that he will be confine in the hospital. Expected that he can recover soon enough. There is no such anxious feeling while I rode in a jeepney. I know my father can make it. I know he can. I know he will.

At house, my neighbors and Titas don’t mentioned anything about my father’s condition when we was rushed in the hospital. They don’t said anything. No nerves. No anxiousness. I put all our things inside with no worries.

I received text messages from my sister and brother. They want me to follow them in the hospital. So I went to the hospital with no nerves, anxiousness or worries.

At the hospital, my brother was outside waiting for me. I saw him with our travelling bag. Inside the bag was a blanket and my father’s clothes. So I assumed that my father was alright then. Just staying in the recovery room and doin’ well. I assumed everything was alright.

We went inside the hospital. I was surprised when my brother took me in the Fire Exit and went downstair to the basement of the hospital but still I was very calm. He tap my shoulders. I sensed nothing. I assumed that the recovery room or the emergency ward of the hospital was in the basement. As we walked together, I saw the hospital’s maintance room. Laudry room for all the blankets, pillow cases and all the fabrics used in the hospital. Yes, we walked more. My brother walked after me, he went inside a room. But that room has the sign “Morgue”. When I saw he went inside I don’t thought of anything happened. I just thought that he will take a shortcut from the morgue to the emergency ward or recovery room. But as my steps drew closer, I felt no nerves, anxiousness or worries. I just knew that we will take a shortcut. But as I peep in the morgue, I saw my sister and mother crying. It never came up to my mind that something bad happened.

I saw a body wrapped by a white blanket and it was my Father.

I broke down…

Tears flowed….

Blood poured from his mouth.

And I broke down even more…

As I write this, I really don’t know what kind of emotion was that..and what am I still feeling right now..

I left my Father in the morning as usual. He was happy as he was always. Doin’ his same chores everyday. No premonitions or signs that he will leave us. He don’t whined for anything. Don’t asked for any help. Yet he always took his medicine he don’t complained that he was suffering any difficulties specially in his chest. He don’t made us worried of his condition.

The doctor told that it was a cardiac arrest - dead on arrival. They still tried to revive my Father 10 more times but he can’t make it even more. He can’t make it with us anymore..It was my Father 3rd heart attacked. He recovered swiftly in his 1st and 2nd attacks.

My soul..

My everything..

My Father was gone..

I lost the one who made me smile when my mother yelled at me. The one who cracked jokes when time gets tough. The one I hugged when I need someone to take care me of. The one who share his savings for my allowance. The one who fart unconsiously. The one watched marathon movies in HBO with me. The one who watched ”Lord of the Rings Trilogy ” with me even if it was my 50th times. The one who will be mad when I will go home late. The one who will grab the remote control when we are watching fashion and music related shows. The one I love and respect.

I wish time could turn back. I want to say to him once more that I love Him. I want to remind him once more that I am very lucky to have Him as my Father. That I am so blessed that of all the fathers in the world..He is my Father.

I want to say sorry to all the things I’ve done to him. To all the aches I done.

I want to say thank you for being my Father. For taking care of me and for taking care of his family. For loving us, for loving my mother truthfully. For making us what we are right now..For making us believe that we can in everything. For making us laugh everyday. For making us special in any ways. For being the best provider and for being a responsible Father.

He is the best man I ever met. I am lucky to be his daughter.

We miss you Tatay..I miss you..

You are always in my heart.

I will never forget you. You will be always in my mind and heart. I will keep you forever.

Though you are not here with us anymore physically, You will stay with us forever. I will cherish you forever.

I Love You Tatay.

I Miss You So Much..