Posted: August 13,2009 Came across. Every doubts conquer beliefs. And every minds think of words and actions sensitively. Cause in every persuasion there is hesitation. Every happy moments disturb fragile hearts. Come to think of it..Worthless and non-sense but can turn you into pieces. Heart and mind smashing together but cluttering differently. It never will and maybe never will. Will and urge are unlike. In every moves I am falling. In every answers I am breaking. Falling and breaking. Will and urge..Dig me thoroughly..Deeply and hardly. Wounds make me stand even smiles. But what really troubles? It’s the fact, I can’t be and will never be or we can’t never be. Uncertainty is distance. There will never be. Truths will remain..and will forever kept by heart. When it all fades even the love or hate, even the smiles and frowns, denials and confessions..acts and lies..words or eye contacts..messages, bumps and sneaks..I will still remember that Someone attacked all my nerve cells and made me hail all the hypocrites and became one of them. Aiming my way to give Someone up.. Hail all the hypocrites! Hell I’m one of them.

Posted: August 07,2009 After so many convincing and unpredictable pleads. Hell! I gave in. I’m not writing this to impress, boast or even savor the moments..I’m writing this to be read and to make me realize. Hail all the hypocrites! Hell! I am one of them. Someone #2 became Someone #1..(Fingers crashing while writing..Drunk.)..Unexpected, unplanned..just don’t mind. Make me appreciate the moments more.. Someone #1 whose Someone #2 before held me and made my nerves stopped. He killed me..thoroughly..Hell! I also felt his crashing nerves too.. Flash of sparkling lights surrounded us. Moments captured. Never been so close to him..Again. “Baka napipilitan siya..huwag na lang..” Yes! I was forced to do it so. Girlfriends just asked for it..Hail all the hypocrites! Hell! I am one of them..But as lights flashed I can’t remember that I was forced to do it so..So close I can’t remembering anything..Lights off. Back to normal.. But as the night goes on..Girlfriends continued.. David Cook is singing.. “You will always be my baby..” He hold my hands..for how many times..(Feeling the nerves..again..)..Took me in a dance. Hold my hands and put it in his arms..His hands holding my freaking hips.. “Ang bigat ng kamay mo..” “Ang sama mo!..” “Ikaw kaya ang masama..ISNABERA ka..” Sigh. “Makakaganti din ako sa inyo..(Pertaining to girlfriends)” “Ihanap mo din kasi sila.. (Sabay tingin sa mata ko..)“ David Cook stopped. “O sige tapos na..(Parang ayaw ata ako bitawan..)“ Thank God it ended. Savor. I can’t feel anything..Hail all the hypocrites! Hell! I am one of them. *After shocks..SOON!!

Eraserheads Live The Final Set Mar 16, '09 8:00 AM for everyone Kinda too late for this? Na ah ah..Haiyz it s*cks to have a Thesis defense while everyone is celebrating for the Eraserheads huge success. Yet I witnessed the ‘Heads but I felt left-behind..Thesis kills me!..But as Ely says, “Tuloy ang ligaya!”..No thesis can part me from my Eraserheads. Love Eraserheads soo00ooo much! Magasin. Whhheeehhww! At last, for a very long time. I heard it from the ‘Heads! Live! The opening was a full blast of everything. Everyone are so excited. Tribute was firsts shown. Reminicing the ‘Heads history ever. Their discography. Their before and after looks of the Fab 4. A crazy countdown was next. Counting the alphabet letters down to E. When Raymund hit his drums, when Marcus and Buddy played their guitars and when Ely sung the first line.”Oooh..oohh..Kitang-kita kita sa isang magasin ” everyone got crazy. At last! The Final Set begun. I was kinda surprised by the fireworks but of course it is expected. Eraserheads last concert must be enormous. It must be fun and unforgettable. But as the smoke spread in the whole stage, I was kinda worried about Ely’s condition. We all know why. I was anxious for him. But everything rans smooth so I am very happy. I also love Marcus’ long hair do. He looks similar to Freddie Aguilar and Pepe Smith. Magasin made his wave. Eraserheads continued their legacy and proved to everyone that they are still the number 1 band ever formed in the Philippines. That Eraserheads can play beautiful songs even there are indifferences. “Medyo pangit ka pa noon..Hanngang ngayon!!” Walang Nagbago. Who shouted like a woman being raped in the intro? Nope! No one shouted! Walang Nagabago was just being played. E’heads proved to everyone that nothing changes in their music. Though we can’t make them appear as one band in every television appearances still their music is still superb. Maling Akala. Thought it was a Brownman Revivals’ original? You’re wrong! It is one of the Eraserheads classic song. They made some arrangements in the intro (for the final set) but still it’s E’heads. Ely wanted us to name the tune. But everyone knows it’s Maling Akala. Such an inspiration for the undergraduates. “Maliit na butas..Lumalaki!!..Konting luslos..Ayos” - Ely Buendia =) Maskara. Eraserheads goodbye hit. This is one of the last hit of the E’heads before they were disbanded. “Isang superhero..” Credits to Marcus and Buddy’s artistic guitar plays! Poor Man’s Grave. “Oh honey when I die. Dress me up in a coat and tie. Give my feet a pair of shoes. That I haven’t wore in a long time. Put me in a golden box Not a cross on a pile of rocks. Bury me where the grass is green. And the gates are shining..Oh honey when I die. Give me a bed of roses. Where I could lie. I’m gonna use up all the money that I saved. ‘Coz I don’t wanna lie in a poor man’s grave”..(Making a decent act..) Waiting for the Bus. “My folks are getting tight. Won’t let me out at night. You can’t avoid the complications. When there’s no reason at all. When the lightning strikes we’ll fry. I’ll drink my beer. I’ll wipe my tears. Southbound in the sky. Another crime. Another reason gets you everyday. The only time that you can talk. You ain’t got nothing to say. Well, I’m caught up in a stupid game. That I can’t play. It’s just a waste of time. But I’m in it anyway.” (Just read the lyrics..no word can describe..”Ang bait niyo!..”- Ely) Huwag mo ng Itanong. Marcus Adoros’ reggae version. Marcus is really beyond description. He is a genuis. He played this kind of version in his Marcus Highway gig everytime but for all the those who watched The Final Set it is a revelation. Marcus played it effortlessly however he amused the crowd. There is magic in him that he can only possessed. ”Di ko sasabihin sa’yo!!” Sing, play the guitars, surf with the ocean’s wave we’re on you’re back! Thank you for giving Ely a rest. WE LOVE YOU MARCUS!! Slo Mo. Alkohol. Insomya. It’s not Sandwich! It is still the Eraserheads! Raymund just took the stage by storm. Raymund really rock the house! He made it easy to everyone. A true performer. Credits to Marcus lovely Hello Kitty guitar. He played those songs using his cutie pinkish guitar that he bought in Galleria. They gave Ely a time to rest and be relax. Though it seems to be the ‘Heads strategy it took effect for everyone. It was for a better and a longer concert session for the crowd. Torpedo. One of the crowd’s favorite. And my favorite too. After the energetic and head-banging performance by Raymund, Torpedo made the environment uneven and cool. Love the instrumentals! After a 30-minute commercial break (hehehhe) the band got back and prepared for their acoustic session. Again, they prioritized Ely’ health. He need to be relaxed and the sofa couch made Ely comfortable. And even Raymund, Buddy, Marcus and Jazz (Itchyworms) found their comfort places to loosen up. Julie Tearjerky. The best opening for the acoustic jamming with the ‘Heads. Love how Jazz backed-up the band. He doesn’t look like a simple back-up or a commanding vocalist. Smooth. Julie is one of the Eraserheads’ greatest hits. Great arrangement!! Love it!! “I hear her calling my name..Go ahead and jump..” - Ely Buendia’s rendition. Tikman. “Di mapakali, magdamag, hinahanap, nababaliw, tuwing naaalala ang init. Di malimutan, Kailangang muling makamit. Ang tamis sa ating mga labi. Halika tikman ang langit..” Yes, Eraserhead is my “langit”.. (Those short lyrics made it a Eraserheads classic.) Wishing wells. “I wish I could go back to those fairy book tales. Forget the real world awhile. And seek the sees of the talking whales. A place of wishing wells and magic spells where everything starts out once upon a time. Long, long ago and ends happily ever after.” Happily ever after with the Eraserheads. Just wish they will make it come true. ( I wish for another concert!! ) Ü Fine Time. “I hope we could spend more time together. A few hours is better than never. If we could only make it longer. A whole day would be fine.” More time with the Eraserheads! For sure, it will be a fine time. “I don’t care if we sleep all day.Basta’t kayakap ka all day.” - Buddy Zabala Pare Ko. Highschool’s tantrums (heheh ). “Masakit mang isipin. Kailangang tanggapin. Kung kelan ka naging siryoso. Saka ka niya gagaguhin. O, diyos ko Ano ba naman ito. Di ba!. Tang ina nagmukha akong tanga. Pinaasa niya lang ako. Letseng pag-ibig to. O diyos ko ano ba naman ito.” (MTRCB is watching! heheh!bhe!hmf!) Love the insrumental! “Sabi niya ayaw niya Ayaw munang magkajowa. Dehins ako naniwala. Ayun pala magaling na siya sa kama. Akala ko dehins pa.” - Ely Buendia Kailan. Thought it is a romatic song from any balladeer. Nope it is E’heads! Sweet voice that made me cried. Sigh. Kailan kaya? No words can depict my emotions on that time. Ely made everyone fell inlove. Even a guy! One shouted, “I love you, Ely!” then the man on the vocals respond “I love you too Pare!” So envy to him! I LOVE YOU TOO ELY!! Back2me. “Saan ka nagtugo tumila na ang ambon. Sana man lang naghintay ng konting sandali. Hindi na nakita mula nang huling date sa Megamall Kumain tayo ng spaghetti. Di ka nagbayad sa aircon na taksing r&e. Why can’t you see?. Please please come back to me. Let’s give our love another chance Wish you were in my arms. And you’re whispering your love me too Hindi makapaniwala sa balitang nasagap. Na buntis ka na pala sa probinsya ng Quezon. At nag-bunjee jumping. I can’t believe. Pa’no na ‘yung crossword puzzle. Na hindi natin natapos at pakisoli na rin. Ang tapes ko ng Nirvana at Yano na. Isang taon ng nasa iyo. Please send it Back 2 me..” Come back to us E’heads!!!! Trip to Jerusalem. “Oh tell me do you wanna fly? Fly high way up in the sky or maybe you don’t even have to try. All you have to do is follow that star.” Another Chritmas jingle?! Na ah ah! It’s the E’heads style of caroling! It never ends!! Spolarium. One of E’heads profound song for me. Not so ordinary. Though it is a drunken master’s (heheheh) theme song it is different. It made you think what is the true meaning of this song. And how come a famous painting in our country crossed the lyrics of this song. It’s one of the hell. One of the best intrumentals ever. One of the best. But as the Final Set night goes on. The man on the vocals is getting tired. He slipped a note. But nevermind. =) Overdrive. It inspires me to attend driving class and be a professional driver. “Gusto kong matutong mag-drive!” It’s a Burger Machine jingle in their tv commercial way back on the 90’s. This song made them popular and made them be in the list of the top burger stand in the nation. “Magdri-drive ako habang buhay..” Fireworks stroke!! Superproxy. For Francis Magalona. A tribute for the Master Rapper of the Philippines. Kahit na rock yung song it was very intimate. Everyone paid respect for Francis M.. He must be the surprise guest for the Final Set. And Francis really surprised everyone. Raymund handed a sign with the words ”Rock Ed Salutes The Man From Manila..Salamat Kiko.” Ely sung the part of Francis ( the rap one ). The teleprompter didn’t include th rap lyrics but still Ely manage to sung it. He knows it by heart. The ‘Heads know Francis M. by their whole hearts and souls. “Sumigaw tayo para kay Francis M.!!” For FRANCIS M.! Minsan. Eraserheads theme song. “Kay bilis maglaho ng kahapon. Sana’y huwag kalimutan ang ating mga pinagsamahan. At kung sakaling gipitin ay laging iisipin. Na minsan tayo ay naging tunay na magkaibigan.” I just thought of this song and play it in my head. A true friendship song. Alapaap. “Masdan mo’ng aking mata”. One of the cherished song of the night. Sigh. It breaks my heart to hear it’s for the last time. Love the duet version of the crowd with Ely. The band really established a connection. I don’t want to end the night. But soon it will come. Doom’s day! Ang Huling El Bimbo. The song that made the Eraserheads in the top. Nakakatindig-balahibo talaga. Tears are flowing. They are saving the best for last. Everyone started to sing. Mall of Asia concert ground started to fell down. All are busy while singing for the final time with the ‘Heads. Fireworks begun. And this time, it’s in the bronze section. A beautiful fireworks! As beautiful as the night. Confetti fell down on the grounds signaling us it is the end of the Final Set. Ely handed on the old Sticker Happy piano and burned it. It was the album cover of their Sticker Happy album. Reminding us it is really the last concert of the legandary Eraserheads. Haiyz. More! More! Group hug! Group hug! But there is no such a group hug, only a group vow. Fullfilled. Three for the road! Raymund asked the crowd if they want for more. We respond postively. They called for Ely and Marcus in the their tent. Raymund and Buddy still wanted for more. After a short discussion in the stage the ‘Heads decided to play three more songs. It is planned and unplanned (according to Philippine Inquirer specail issue yesterday, March 15,2009). Only Ely knows what songs will be played. Though it is unrehearsed actually it made the Final Set as the final set. Ligaya. Sembreak. Toyang. The three for the road. The crowd is getting wild. My sister and I planned to get out of the venue. But when Raymund asked for more we ran on our place to jam again with the Eraserheads. Three for the road completed the night. Though “With the Smile” is not include in the Final Set’s song list I am very fullfilled and happy. Ligaya, is truly a ligaya. Sembreak, made me inspire to finish this sem and Toyang made me fall in love again. Just three for the road! No thesis can part me from my E’heads! Long live the greatest Filipino band ever! WE LOVE YOU ERASERHEADS!! ELY, RAYMUND, MARCUS, BUDDY..Salamat sa patuloy na pagbigay ng inspirasyon at ligaya! Walang tatalo sa inyo kahit kailan..kaya please..pahirit ng group hug!!! LOVE IT!!!!

It was a luminous Wednesday (February 04,2009) afternoon for me. I’m with my friends. Doing the same staff over and over again. Hilarity of humor. An afternoon full of fun and joy. A moment of companionship with them. But all of those laughters fade.. I received a text message from my neighbor. My father was rushed in the hospital and I need to go back home hurriedly. Though tears are flowing from my eyes, I don’t sense any nerves. This is my father’s 3rd heart attacked. So I just supposed that he will be confine in the hospital. Expected that he can recover soon enough. There is no such anxious feeling while I rode in a jeepney. I know my father can make it. I know he can. I know he will. At house, my neighbors and Titas don’t mentioned anything about my father’s condition when we was rushed in the hospital. They don’t said anything. No nerves. No anxiousness. I put all our things inside with no worries. I received text messages from my sister and brother. They want me to follow them in the hospital. So I went to the hospital with no nerves, anxiousness or worries. At the hospital, my brother was outside waiting for me. I saw him with our travelling bag. Inside the bag was a blanket and my father’s clothes. So I assumed that my father was alright then. Just staying in the recovery room and doin’ well. I assumed everything was alright. We went inside the hospital. I was surprised when my brother took me in the Fire Exit and went downstair to the basement of the hospital but still I was very calm. He tap my shoulders. I sensed nothing. I assumed that the recovery room or the emergency ward of the hospital was in the basement. As we walked together, I saw the hospital’s maintance room. Laudry room for all the blankets, pillow cases and all the fabrics used in the hospital. Yes, we walked more. My brother walked after me, he went inside a room. But that room has the sign “Morgue”. When I saw he went inside I don’t thought of anything happened. I just thought that he will take a shortcut from the morgue to the emergency ward or recovery room. But as my steps drew closer, I felt no nerves, anxiousness or worries. I just knew that we will take a shortcut. But as I peep in the morgue, I saw my sister and mother crying. It never came up to my mind that something bad happened. I saw a body wrapped by a white blanket and it was my Father. I broke down… Tears flowed…. Blood poured from his mouth. And I broke down even more… As I write this, I really don’t know what kind of emotion was that..and what am I still feeling right now.. I left my Father in the morning as usual. He was happy as he was always. Doin’ his same chores everyday. No premonitions or signs that he will leave us. He don’t whined for anything. Don’t asked for any help. Yet he always took his medicine he don’t complained that he was suffering any difficulties specially in his chest. He don’t made us worried of his condition. The doctor told that it was a cardiac arrest - dead on arrival. They still tried to revive my Father 10 more times but he can’t make it even more. He can’t make it with us anymore..It was my Father 3rd heart attacked. He recovered swiftly in his 1st and 2nd attacks. My soul.. My everything.. My Father was gone.. I lost the one who made me smile when my mother yelled at me. The one who cracked jokes when time gets tough. The one I hugged when I need someone to take care me of. The one who share his savings for my allowance. The one who fart unconsiously. The one watched marathon movies in HBO with me. The one who watched ”Lord of the Rings Trilogy ” with me even if it was my 50th times. The one who will be mad when I will go home late. The one who will grab the remote control when we are watching fashion and music related shows. The one I love and respect. I wish time could turn back. I want to say to him once more that I love Him. I want to remind him once more that I am very lucky to have Him as my Father. That I am so blessed that of all the fathers in the world..He is my Father. I want to say sorry to all the things I’ve done to him. To all the aches I done. I want to say thank you for being my Father. For taking care of me and for taking care of his family. For loving us, for loving my mother truthfully. For making us what we are right now..For making us believe that we can in everything. For making us laugh everyday. For making us special in any ways. For being the best provider and for being a responsible Father. He is the best man I ever met. I am lucky to be his daughter. We miss you Tatay..I miss you.. You are always in my heart. I will never forget you. You will be always in my mind and heart. I will keep you forever. Though you are not here with us anymore physically, You will stay with us forever. I will cherish you forever. I Love You Tatay. I Miss You So Much..

Holy whatever!!! It’s my group 6th Thesis Proposal! And freak we’re rejected again! Keep in mind that thesis is every college student’s ticket to graduation. Ticket to be in the official graduation list. Ticket to be my family’s pride. Ticket for the real world. But I am losing that ticket..6th Thesis Proposal!? How come they rejected our proposals? It makes me miserable and hopeless. 6ht Thesis Proposal?! How many thesis proposals they are waiting for? 7th,8th,9th,10th? Bullsh*t! When we will begin our Chapter 1? When? Make some point. And when we will stop creating DFD and ERD? But hey! We need to work on for our 7th Thesis Proposal..remember? So it’s gonna be a full blast of thingkings and patience. We must pack our things and attend mass at Quiapo or any holy churches to be approve. Pray to all saints and even nature’s god and godess. Hey! Is there any patron saint for Thesis or any god of Thesis. I wish to talk to them and make wishes. Offer anything for them to whisper positive responces to our thesis adviser, faculty panel, software chairwoman, and college dean. Wish they were…(Searching in Yahoo!..)…(Result: No match found!) Deep breath. Optimistically, we can make it! I really want to be in the graduation stage receiving the “Best Thesis Award” not the “Grand Slam Rejected Thesis Award”..Hope we can make it! Future will be define soon..

One part of college life that you must not miss is thesis. Yet a heart-breaking and head-shaking moment..It’s one hell part of what we called process..Process that can make us stronger,tougher,smarter and wiser. Thesis is like a television series. Packed with action ( Physical moments in photo-copying, sleepless nights, sleepless mornings, sleepless weekends and many more..), drama ( If your proposals are rejected by your panel), comedy ( If everyone pass and you’re just left in the corner and failed..hehhehe..) and many more. But as of this moment, it is just starting. So I am expecting for more. More papers, more payments, more wars, more wasted minds, more research, more “don’t care” moments..MORE!! But what else breaks my heart today? When someone, when all are discouraging you to pursue it. Yip! They are my detractors! Haiyz.. What kind of guts they had? What kind of brains they have? As if we are close? As if they have the rights to reject? As if he is the greatest programmer in the universe? As if he is one my judging panel? Who the hell?!! Crack his jokes! You’re helpless! Pathetic! Stage1: Anger Management

January 16 is a very significant date for me. I rejoice this event with memories I will hold forever. Nostalgia of old friends. Rendezvous of different scenarios of personalities i loved and hated. January 16, 1953. My father’s birthday. I am very blessed! Having a father like him. Never be replaced. I love my Tatay! Blessed with sense of humor and sense of responsibility. I am very lucky to have him. January 16, 1988. Michelle Prado’s birthday. She was the President of the Supreme Student Government in my Highschool. While I was the Peace Officer at that time. Military at heart. She opened my political carreer. January 16, 1989. Maverick Dandoy’s birthday. My ex’s bestfriend. I always compare him to “Great Wall of China”. Why? Because in every quarrel he was there to blocked those hatred ways of us. I miss him alot! January 16, 1990. John Mark Retardo’s birthday. One of my best buddy in highschool. He made me insensitive. After months of arguments. We separated ways and never talk again. But after all, text messaging made us realized what happened and maturity just blown up our minds. January 16, 2008. A serious conversation with Mark Alvin Vidal. Thought we will lose him. After this exchange, I realized that I am very immature and very selfish. Yip! I was “praning” at that moment. But I am happy that it all happened to me. I trust and know him even more. Counting more January 16…ÜÜÜ

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TYRA!!! MORE BLESSINGS TO COME! TNX FOR ENCOURAGING US! YOU ARE MY INSPIRATION! TNX!! TNX FOR AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL!! YOU WOKE MY MODEL SIDE!! I LOVE YOU!! WE LOVE YOU ALL!!!

It’s a pretty little thing that makes me think..Yip! I don’t know why.. Just this morning one of my girlfriend told me that someone likes (?) me..When she said that I was not a bit happy nor upset..It’s just a usual feeling..Just like a simple exchange of words from my girlfriend..I had feeling since then..but I don’t have any proof and I don’t want to prove it too..Not just because that I don’t want to..but just because of expecting too much..Of course, no one wanted to be hurt..No one wanted to shed tears..And I am also not a kind of girl who just want to make love or flirt to someone with any reasons..I hate to initiate cause I am afraid of being rejected..I hesitated cause I don’t want to look like any b*tch around..I hate it..I hate it..And even hated it more..Though I am real fighter..love makes me weak..Call me anxious..I don’t want to be too close for comfort..Call me whatever you wanted..I’m afraid to be hurt.. ( Sounds like I am not the one who is writing this..) As they said, If you will just be afraid when you will be happy and contented? When you will fight your fears? When you will be loved? When you will experience true love? When you will fight for it? When you will fight for him? Yet it seems exaggerated..This is what I feel right now.. After many hours..It sink in to me ( Late reaction! ) What if he likes me? Will it make a great impact? Will it change my world? Will it make me happy or contented? Will it make me change the way I treated him? Will I also like him? Or will I fall for him? Questions that I can’t answer for now.. I can’t giggle just for knowing that..It s*cks! I don’t want to assume..I don’t want to expect for something to happen.. ( See how I am frightened? ) And what the hell he called me a snobbish one? Hey! I am not! Yet it looks like! But it’s just my curve eyebrows ( I don’t shave it! I am blessed with it! ) , the way I frankly talked..the way I observed things around me..And make ‘pintas’ to others..I am not proud or boastful..I just don’t care about others business..I ignore things that I can’t relate to, I can’t handle or I can’t stand to..Or even things that can’t enhance my abilities and capabilities..I ignore those persons that I know just wanted to make fond of me without any good reasons..I ignore those persons that I can’t make my life worthy..I ignore those persons who can’t make me happy and will just give me aches..You can know me better! Am I snobbish or I just don’t care it at all? Anyone can approach me..I can smile and not frown to everyone..I can also expresses what I feel..I am also a human..I know who are unreal to me..I know who appreciated me.. So stop calling me SUPLADA!!! You don’t know the real me. Better know me first. ( I won’t bite you! ) If you like me..Approach me then.. It’s up to you! I don’t want to continue no more!