Posted: August 13,2009 Came across. Every doubts conquer beliefs. And every minds think of words and actions sensitively. Cause in every persuasion there is hesitation. Every happy moments disturb fragile hearts. Come to think of it..Worthless and non-sense but can turn you into pieces. Heart and mind smashing together but cluttering differently. It never will and maybe never will. Will and urge are unlike. In every moves I am falling. In every answers I am breaking. Falling and breaking. Will and urge..Dig me thoroughly..Deeply and hardly. Wounds make me stand even smiles. But what really troubles? It’s the fact, I can’t be and will never be or we can’t never be. Uncertainty is distance. There will never be. Truths will remain..and will forever kept by heart. When it all fades even the love or hate, even the smiles and frowns, denials and confessions..acts and lies..words or eye contacts..messages, bumps and sneaks..I will still remember that Someone attacked all my nerve cells and made me hail all the hypocrites and became one of them. Aiming my way to give Someone up.. Hail all the hypocrites! Hell I’m one of them.

Posted: August 07,2009 After so many convincing and unpredictable pleads. Hell! I gave in. I’m not writing this to impress, boast or even savor the moments..I’m writing this to be read and to make me realize. Hail all the hypocrites! Hell! I am one of them. Someone #2 became Someone #1..(Fingers crashing while writing..Drunk.)..Unexpected, unplanned..just don’t mind. Make me appreciate the moments more.. Someone #1 whose Someone #2 before held me and made my nerves stopped. He killed me..thoroughly..Hell! I also felt his crashing nerves too.. Flash of sparkling lights surrounded us. Moments captured. Never been so close to him..Again. “Baka napipilitan siya..huwag na lang..” Yes! I was forced to do it so. Girlfriends just asked for it..Hail all the hypocrites! Hell! I am one of them..But as lights flashed I can’t remember that I was forced to do it so..So close I can’t remembering anything..Lights off. Back to normal.. But as the night goes on..Girlfriends continued.. David Cook is singing.. “You will always be my baby..” He hold my hands..for how many times..(Feeling the nerves..again..)..Took me in a dance. Hold my hands and put it in his arms..His hands holding my freaking hips.. “Ang bigat ng kamay mo..” “Ang sama mo!..” “Ikaw kaya ang masama..ISNABERA ka..” Sigh. “Makakaganti din ako sa inyo..(Pertaining to girlfriends)” “Ihanap mo din kasi sila.. (Sabay tingin sa mata ko..)“ David Cook stopped. “O sige tapos na..(Parang ayaw ata ako bitawan..)“ Thank God it ended. Savor. I can’t feel anything..Hail all the hypocrites! Hell! I am one of them. *After shocks..SOON!!

Dear Tatay, I just like to greet you a very Happy Father’s Day! I know it sounds awkward to greet you cause you’re not here with us anymore. But as Nanay told me..”You are always in our hearts and souls. A piece of you in our hearts that will never be replaced or never be exchanged.” I really miss you Tatay. But I know I need to be strong for Nanay and for myself. I know you also celebrate this day with the other fathers all over the world and even in the other world. It’s a day for all of you specially for you Tatay. Hope we can celebrate this day with you. I also want to apologize for not celebrating this day when your still here. We’re not so expressive to do those kind of celebrations, shy to show to you our appreciation but now I realized that this day is very special for you. This is your moment. I am sorry Tatay..for not expressing my love and gratitude for you..but deep of us..we love you so much and appreciate all your efforts and understanding to us. I plead for forgiveness. I love you so much Tatay. I know you’re still here to take care and watch over us. I know you learn how our lives turn when you’re gone. Nanay became busier in her small store, selling of products and many more sidelines. I can see in her ways that she really miss you so much. No one to lean on when we got problems. No one to tell stories about our neighbors, television programs and our country’s problem as you always do when watching news program. No one to shout at when she need some help or scold. She miss you so much I know. Ate became paranoid in her officemates. D*mn her relationship with a lesbian. I don’t want to judge her Tatay cause sometimes I can see to her that she’s happy with her. I don’t have any rights to judge her or say anything against to them. They just love each other but morally it is a sin to fell inlove whose the same gender with you. I get tired every night when Ate gone answering her phone calls. I don’t hate Ate..I just hate what she is doing. I love Ate. Jomar and I get closer to each other. I am not really aware about Jomar’s life outside our house but I know he is now a young gentleman. He knows what is right or wrong. I am happy cause he already finished his OJT. I hate to see him working late and went home every early morning. I hate it when he decided to left our house because a lesbian took Ate in our home. I realized how Jomar get mad. Then I respect him and became closer to him. I am at my 4th year Tatay. I can’t believe it. I am praying to attend my graduation hopefully next year and I wish you are with me to celebrate that day. I miss your dishes you cook Tatay. The “Itik” in every fiesta. And who will make manual fresh avocado for me? With Bear Brand and crushed ices. Who will cook spagetti in my birthdays? Mungo beans with sugar. I miss all of those. I miss you Tatay. I hope you can read this letter wherever you are. I know you will. We miss you so much Tatay. Happy Father’s Day! Sigh.

Eraserheads Live The Final Set Mar 16, '09 8:00 AM for everyone Kinda too late for this? Na ah ah..Haiyz it s*cks to have a Thesis defense while everyone is celebrating for the Eraserheads huge success. Yet I witnessed the ‘Heads but I felt left-behind..Thesis kills me!..But as Ely says, “Tuloy ang ligaya!”..No thesis can part me from my Eraserheads. Love Eraserheads soo00ooo much! Magasin. Whhheeehhww! At last, for a very long time. I heard it from the ‘Heads! Live! The opening was a full blast of everything. Everyone are so excited. Tribute was firsts shown. Reminicing the ‘Heads history ever. Their discography. Their before and after looks of the Fab 4. A crazy countdown was next. Counting the alphabet letters down to E. When Raymund hit his drums, when Marcus and Buddy played their guitars and when Ely sung the first line.”Oooh..oohh..Kitang-kita kita sa isang magasin ” everyone got crazy. At last! The Final Set begun. I was kinda surprised by the fireworks but of course it is expected. Eraserheads last concert must be enormous. It must be fun and unforgettable. But as the smoke spread in the whole stage, I was kinda worried about Ely’s condition. We all know why. I was anxious for him. But everything rans smooth so I am very happy. I also love Marcus’ long hair do. He looks similar to Freddie Aguilar and Pepe Smith. Magasin made his wave. Eraserheads continued their legacy and proved to everyone that they are still the number 1 band ever formed in the Philippines. That Eraserheads can play beautiful songs even there are indifferences. “Medyo pangit ka pa noon..Hanngang ngayon!!” Walang Nagbago. Who shouted like a woman being raped in the intro? Nope! No one shouted! Walang Nagabago was just being played. E’heads proved to everyone that nothing changes in their music. Though we can’t make them appear as one band in every television appearances still their music is still superb. Maling Akala. Thought it was a Brownman Revivals’ original? You’re wrong! It is one of the Eraserheads classic song. They made some arrangements in the intro (for the final set) but still it’s E’heads. Ely wanted us to name the tune. But everyone knows it’s Maling Akala. Such an inspiration for the undergraduates. “Maliit na butas..Lumalaki!!..Konting luslos..Ayos” - Ely Buendia =) Maskara. Eraserheads goodbye hit. This is one of the last hit of the E’heads before they were disbanded. “Isang superhero..” Credits to Marcus and Buddy’s artistic guitar plays! Poor Man’s Grave. “Oh honey when I die. Dress me up in a coat and tie. Give my feet a pair of shoes. That I haven’t wore in a long time. Put me in a golden box Not a cross on a pile of rocks. Bury me where the grass is green. And the gates are shining..Oh honey when I die. Give me a bed of roses. Where I could lie. I’m gonna use up all the money that I saved. ‘Coz I don’t wanna lie in a poor man’s grave”..(Making a decent act..) Waiting for the Bus. “My folks are getting tight. Won’t let me out at night. You can’t avoid the complications. When there’s no reason at all. When the lightning strikes we’ll fry. I’ll drink my beer. I’ll wipe my tears. Southbound in the sky. Another crime. Another reason gets you everyday. The only time that you can talk. You ain’t got nothing to say. Well, I’m caught up in a stupid game. That I can’t play. It’s just a waste of time. But I’m in it anyway.” (Just read the lyrics..no word can describe..”Ang bait niyo!..”- Ely) Huwag mo ng Itanong. Marcus Adoros’ reggae version. Marcus is really beyond description. He is a genuis. He played this kind of version in his Marcus Highway gig everytime but for all the those who watched The Final Set it is a revelation. Marcus played it effortlessly however he amused the crowd. There is magic in him that he can only possessed. ”Di ko sasabihin sa’yo!!” Sing, play the guitars, surf with the ocean’s wave we’re on you’re back! Thank you for giving Ely a rest. WE LOVE YOU MARCUS!! Slo Mo. Alkohol. Insomya. It’s not Sandwich! It is still the Eraserheads! Raymund just took the stage by storm. Raymund really rock the house! He made it easy to everyone. A true performer. Credits to Marcus lovely Hello Kitty guitar. He played those songs using his cutie pinkish guitar that he bought in Galleria. They gave Ely a time to rest and be relax. Though it seems to be the ‘Heads strategy it took effect for everyone. It was for a better and a longer concert session for the crowd. Torpedo. One of the crowd’s favorite. And my favorite too. After the energetic and head-banging performance by Raymund, Torpedo made the environment uneven and cool. Love the instrumentals! After a 30-minute commercial break (hehehhe) the band got back and prepared for their acoustic session. Again, they prioritized Ely’ health. He need to be relaxed and the sofa couch made Ely comfortable. And even Raymund, Buddy, Marcus and Jazz (Itchyworms) found their comfort places to loosen up. Julie Tearjerky. The best opening for the acoustic jamming with the ‘Heads. Love how Jazz backed-up the band. He doesn’t look like a simple back-up or a commanding vocalist. Smooth. Julie is one of the Eraserheads’ greatest hits. Great arrangement!! Love it!! “I hear her calling my name..Go ahead and jump..” - Ely Buendia’s rendition. Tikman. “Di mapakali, magdamag, hinahanap, nababaliw, tuwing naaalala ang init. Di malimutan, Kailangang muling makamit. Ang tamis sa ating mga labi. Halika tikman ang langit..” Yes, Eraserhead is my “langit”.. (Those short lyrics made it a Eraserheads classic.) Wishing wells. “I wish I could go back to those fairy book tales. Forget the real world awhile. And seek the sees of the talking whales. A place of wishing wells and magic spells where everything starts out once upon a time. Long, long ago and ends happily ever after.” Happily ever after with the Eraserheads. Just wish they will make it come true. ( I wish for another concert!! ) Ü Fine Time. “I hope we could spend more time together. A few hours is better than never. If we could only make it longer. A whole day would be fine.” More time with the Eraserheads! For sure, it will be a fine time. “I don’t care if we sleep all day.Basta’t kayakap ka all day.” - Buddy Zabala Pare Ko. Highschool’s tantrums (heheh ). “Masakit mang isipin. Kailangang tanggapin. Kung kelan ka naging siryoso. Saka ka niya gagaguhin. O, diyos ko Ano ba naman ito. Di ba!. Tang ina nagmukha akong tanga. Pinaasa niya lang ako. Letseng pag-ibig to. O diyos ko ano ba naman ito.” (MTRCB is watching! heheh!bhe!hmf!) Love the insrumental! “Sabi niya ayaw niya Ayaw munang magkajowa. Dehins ako naniwala. Ayun pala magaling na siya sa kama. Akala ko dehins pa.” - Ely Buendia Kailan. Thought it is a romatic song from any balladeer. Nope it is E’heads! Sweet voice that made me cried. Sigh. Kailan kaya? No words can depict my emotions on that time. Ely made everyone fell inlove. Even a guy! One shouted, “I love you, Ely!” then the man on the vocals respond “I love you too Pare!” So envy to him! I LOVE YOU TOO ELY!! Back2me. “Saan ka nagtugo tumila na ang ambon. Sana man lang naghintay ng konting sandali. Hindi na nakita mula nang huling date sa Megamall Kumain tayo ng spaghetti. Di ka nagbayad sa aircon na taksing r&e. Why can’t you see?. Please please come back to me. Let’s give our love another chance Wish you were in my arms. And you’re whispering your love me too Hindi makapaniwala sa balitang nasagap. Na buntis ka na pala sa probinsya ng Quezon. At nag-bunjee jumping. I can’t believe. Pa’no na ‘yung crossword puzzle. Na hindi natin natapos at pakisoli na rin. Ang tapes ko ng Nirvana at Yano na. Isang taon ng nasa iyo. Please send it Back 2 me..” Come back to us E’heads!!!! Trip to Jerusalem. “Oh tell me do you wanna fly? Fly high way up in the sky or maybe you don’t even have to try. All you have to do is follow that star.” Another Chritmas jingle?! Na ah ah! It’s the E’heads style of caroling! It never ends!! Spolarium. One of E’heads profound song for me. Not so ordinary. Though it is a drunken master’s (heheheh) theme song it is different. It made you think what is the true meaning of this song. And how come a famous painting in our country crossed the lyrics of this song. It’s one of the hell. One of the best intrumentals ever. One of the best. But as the Final Set night goes on. The man on the vocals is getting tired. He slipped a note. But nevermind. =) Overdrive. It inspires me to attend driving class and be a professional driver. “Gusto kong matutong mag-drive!” It’s a Burger Machine jingle in their tv commercial way back on the 90’s. This song made them popular and made them be in the list of the top burger stand in the nation. “Magdri-drive ako habang buhay..” Fireworks stroke!! Superproxy. For Francis Magalona. A tribute for the Master Rapper of the Philippines. Kahit na rock yung song it was very intimate. Everyone paid respect for Francis M.. He must be the surprise guest for the Final Set. And Francis really surprised everyone. Raymund handed a sign with the words ”Rock Ed Salutes The Man From Manila..Salamat Kiko.” Ely sung the part of Francis ( the rap one ). The teleprompter didn’t include th rap lyrics but still Ely manage to sung it. He knows it by heart. The ‘Heads know Francis M. by their whole hearts and souls. “Sumigaw tayo para kay Francis M.!!” For FRANCIS M.! Minsan. Eraserheads theme song. “Kay bilis maglaho ng kahapon. Sana’y huwag kalimutan ang ating mga pinagsamahan. At kung sakaling gipitin ay laging iisipin. Na minsan tayo ay naging tunay na magkaibigan.” I just thought of this song and play it in my head. A true friendship song. Alapaap. “Masdan mo’ng aking mata”. One of the cherished song of the night. Sigh. It breaks my heart to hear it’s for the last time. Love the duet version of the crowd with Ely. The band really established a connection. I don’t want to end the night. But soon it will come. Doom’s day! Ang Huling El Bimbo. The song that made the Eraserheads in the top. Nakakatindig-balahibo talaga. Tears are flowing. They are saving the best for last. Everyone started to sing. Mall of Asia concert ground started to fell down. All are busy while singing for the final time with the ‘Heads. Fireworks begun. And this time, it’s in the bronze section. A beautiful fireworks! As beautiful as the night. Confetti fell down on the grounds signaling us it is the end of the Final Set. Ely handed on the old Sticker Happy piano and burned it. It was the album cover of their Sticker Happy album. Reminding us it is really the last concert of the legandary Eraserheads. Haiyz. More! More! Group hug! Group hug! But there is no such a group hug, only a group vow. Fullfilled. Three for the road! Raymund asked the crowd if they want for more. We respond postively. They called for Ely and Marcus in the their tent. Raymund and Buddy still wanted for more. After a short discussion in the stage the ‘Heads decided to play three more songs. It is planned and unplanned (according to Philippine Inquirer specail issue yesterday, March 15,2009). Only Ely knows what songs will be played. Though it is unrehearsed actually it made the Final Set as the final set. Ligaya. Sembreak. Toyang. The three for the road. The crowd is getting wild. My sister and I planned to get out of the venue. But when Raymund asked for more we ran on our place to jam again with the Eraserheads. Three for the road completed the night. Though “With the Smile” is not include in the Final Set’s song list I am very fullfilled and happy. Ligaya, is truly a ligaya. Sembreak, made me inspire to finish this sem and Toyang made me fall in love again. Just three for the road! No thesis can part me from my E’heads! Long live the greatest Filipino band ever! WE LOVE YOU ERASERHEADS!! ELY, RAYMUND, MARCUS, BUDDY..Salamat sa patuloy na pagbigay ng inspirasyon at ligaya! Walang tatalo sa inyo kahit kailan..kaya please..pahirit ng group hug!!! LOVE IT!!!!

I am just surfing the net for new single that will hit the town..A song that everyone will sing to it..But apparently a song from Craig David’s last album - “Trust Me” released last November of 2008 caught my attention..Craig David is a popular R&B singer from UK..And he really gain weight and muscles..hehhe..I really love him for the first place..I used to listen to his songs but not in a loop..( like right now..) I am so addicted to this song..David’s voice is truly magical for me..I love the words of this song.. And I can say that this is the song of my moment..Felt like I let go of someone that I loved and still loving..but still into him..Every words are simply now of me..Haiyz..I love it! I am officially and unconditionally yours! Ü Officially Yours By Craig David Thinkin’ how the story goes You’re helpless and I’m wishin’ Put the film inside my mind But there’s a big scene that I’m missin’ As I re-read my lines I think I said this, I should’ve said that Did you edit me out of your mind ‘Cos in a flash you had disappeared, gone Before the curtain falls And we act this out again Maybe I should risk it all and state That I’m officially going on the record To say I’m in love with you I’m officially everything you hope that I would be This time I’ll tell the truth I’m officially wrong I know For letting you go the way I did Unconditionally more than I ever was before I’m officially yours Travellin’ down this road again Gotta make a few decisions Don’t want you to feel this hurt again That’s why I’m hopin’ that you’ll listen If you let me press rewind I’ll rehearse every word I should have said ‘Cos girl I’m ready to make things right Here on this stage so we can move on And before the curtain falls And we act this out again Missin’ pieces I’ll resolve so stay Things I should have said Like I appreciate the time that I spend with you Inspire me with the smile I put on your pretty face My world comes alive, now I know This time I’m not letting go ‘Cos I’m officially yours

If I were a boy Even just for a day I'd roll out of bed in the morning And throw on what I wanted and go Drink beer with the guys And chase after girls I'd kick it with who I wanted And I'd never get confronted for it Cause they stick up for me If I were a boy I think I could understand How it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man I'd listen to her Cause I know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted Cause he's taking you for granted And everything you had got destroyed If I were a boy I would turn off my phone Tell everyone it's broken So they'd think that I was sleeping alone I'd put myself first And make the rules as I go Cause I know that she'd be faithful, Waiting for me to come home, to come home. If I were a boy I think I could understand How it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man I'd listen to her Cause I know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted Cause he's taking you for granted And everything you had got destroyed It's a little too late for you to come back Say it's just a mistake, Think I'd forgive you like that If you thought I would wait for you You thought wrong But you're just a boy You don't understand And you don't understand, ohhhh How it feels to love a girl Someday you wish you were a better man You don't listen to her You don't care how it hurts Until you lose the one you wanted Cause you're taking her for granted And everything you had got destroyed But you're just a boy

Carrie Underwood: Sometimes You want to run away Ain't got the patience For the pain And if you Don't believe it Look into Your heart The beat goes on Rihanna: I'm tellin' you that Rihanna/Miley Cyrus: Things get better Through whatever Rihanna: If you fall Dust it off Don't let up Sheryl Crow: Don't you know You can go Be your own miracle Beyoncé: You need to know Chorus (Sheryl Crow): If the mind Keeps thinking You've had enough But the heart Keeps telling you Don't give up Sheryl Crow/Beyoncé: Who are we to be Questioning Wondering what is what Don't give up Through it all Just stand up Fergie: It's like We all have better days Problems getting all up In your face Leona Lewis: Just because You go through it Fergie: Don't mean it got To take control, no Leona Lewis: You ain't gotta find No hiding place Keyshia Cole: Because the heart Can beat the hate Leona Lewis: Don't wanna Let your mind Keep playin' you Keyshia Cole: And sayin' you Can't go on Rihanna: I'm tellin' you that Miley Cyrus: Things get better Through whatever Rihanna: If you fall Miley Cyrus: Dust if off Don't let up LeAnn Rimes: Don't you know you Natasha Bedingfield: Can go LeAnn Rimes: Be your own Natasha Bedingfield: Miracle Carrie Underwood: You need to know (Chorus-All) Mary J. Blige: You don't gotta be A prisoner In your mind Ciara: If you fall Dust it off Mary J. Blige: You can live your life Rihanna/Carrie Underwood: Yeah Mary J. Blige: Let your heart Be your guide Rihanna/Carrie: Yeah, yeah, yeah Mariah Carey: And you will know That you're good If you trust in the good Ashanti: Everything Will be alright, yeah Light up the dark If you follow your heart Mary J. Blige: And it will get better Mariah Carey: Through whatever (Chorus All) Fergie: You got it in you Find it within You got in now Find it within now You got in you Find it within You got in now Find it within now You got in you Ffind it within Find it within you Find it within .,love the collaboration!.. LET US SUPPORT STAND UP 2 CANCER!

As of this writing, I am pretty fine of what I feel..but yesterday or even the other days..I am really upset of what I really feel.. Times that I hate him because of his non-stop chat, of his non-stop creepy laugh and of his non-stop of what-so-what-so-ever Yet I am mad at him but still I appreciate him Yet I am starting to hate him But why? I just don’t know? I want to write when I am angry to him..but sorry I am not right now.. But the thing that I remembered is that - - I HATE HIM!!! He is a friend..not an enemy He is a companion but seems like so unfamiliar He is an ally for me but I felt not so safe I just dont know.. Or I just discern? Discern of what? Of him? or of myself? coming soon… Page 1 of 2

I’m not a type of girl that reveals other’s feelings..yet i already done it..but it is in a just purpose..but not a purpose of fall out, dispute or anything what they can call it.. We are of the same tongue..so I know what they can do and what they can say ( infront or not ) to others..even to others that they recognize most.. I’ve just done it cause I need to break my rule..i need to discern other’s feelings and impressions..but what i hate the most about what I’ve done? I guess..I dont know them anymore.. I dont want to keep this as a fed-up feeling for them..cause they are dear in my heart..they are loved by my soul.. But I also guess that this feeling will aint here for too long..I’m just sensitive right now.. I want to know what others said about me..thats all.. If they hate me.. say it so.. If they dont have any faith in me.. say it so.. If they are not that comfortable when im with them.. say it so.. If they are disgusted when i talk to them.. then say it so.. no need to whisper they can say it to my face..they can say it to my fuckin’ face! I just dont want to feel this perturb sense.. I just dont want feel that I dont belong anymore.. I’m not that dim-witted not to notice.. say it in my face... ='(